Struggling to grasp the reality of a death by murder is not easy. The grief you experience is not the same as that from an expected death.
Murder can make you angry. Hurt. Bitter.
If you let it.
The gut-honest truth here is I have to fight daily…sometimes hourly…to not allow anger and bitterness wrap their nasty fingers around my heart.
Because. It. Just. Is. Not. Fair.
Faith should still be here with us. She should still be laughing with us. Singing with us. Enjoying Christmas with us.
Faith should still be smiling that beautiful smile. She should still be texting us sunrise pictures. Sending us links to her favorite songs. Planning delicious desserts for our next get together.
Faith should still be doing the work she loved so much as a respiratory therapist. She should still be calculating dosages. Sharing stories about her kids. Ministering to the sick. Loving on others.
But Faith is gone. None of us will ever get to experience again the joy with which she filled our world.
Unless we refuse to allow her memory to die to anger and bitterness.
Faith wouldn’t want us to become angry and bitter. She lived her live fully trusting God daily.
No matter what.
As I read this passage, I can almost hear Faith saying these words to me…
“In God I trust, and am not afraid. What can man do to me?”
So today I will pick up my sword and shield once again. I will fight against anger and bitterness. Because I know Faith’s soul is resting in peace with our Heavenly Father. She’s not worried. She is not afraid. And one sweet day, I know I’ll see our Savior’s face and her beautiful soul once again.
Until then…I will trust in God and won’t be afraid.
