Faith's Heart

Teach

Many of us have felt anger in the last few weeks. Some of us have felt conflicted. And still others of us have had many questions on our minds.

Why?

Why Faith?

Why?

To be honest, I have found myself swirling in these thoughts, too.

Faith was such a kind and loving person. She had a heart bigger than most. She always saw the best in each of us.

That’s what makes losing her this soon in life so hard.

Would we bring her back? Absolutely not.

Faith is finally at peace. She is no longer looking over her shoulder in fear. She is no longer crying sorrowful tears. She is no longer praying and wishing for change to come.

And so we who remain behind must push forward.

It’s okay to ask why. It’s okay to feel the anger. It’s okay to not understand.

Faith is so loved, and that is why this loss has rocked all of our worlds. She was one of a kind. And she was taken far too soon.

But Faith would want us to push on. She would tell us to live by God’s Word. Because that’s what she did.

Through all her pain, struggles, and trials, Faith literally and genuinely abided in God’s Word.

Today I leave you with a passage that makes me smile, because it reminds me so much of Faith.

Be kind. Be respectful. Teach.

How can we teach? By spreading the same joy and kindness throughout this world that Faith showed to all of us while she was with us.

Grief Is A Beast

The last two days have been tough. Friday I hit a bottom I didn’t even realize existed within myself.

Grief is a beast.

This verse from Revelations was exactly what my heart and soul needed today. I’ve cried many tears since November 16, 2020. The sorrow our family is experiencing is like none other I have ever known.

The pain from grief is searing. Death is a stark reminder that life is fleeting. We can never take a single second for granted, because we aren’t promised one.

One day, if we are blood-bought, we have this hope and promise that Jesus will wipe every tear from our eyes.

No more sorrow. No more pain. No more grief. No more death.

No more crying.

Because on that glorious day, we will be caught up with our loved ones who have gone on before, and be with our Savior forevermore.

This is enough to keep me moving through another day.

Faith is no longer crying. She is no longer experiencing pain or sorrow. The worries and stress of this life have melted away. Praise be to our God!

God Meets Me There

It’s an early start to this day for me. So I do what I always do when sleep won’t come in the middle of the night. I read to find God’s voice in His word.

Reading from the Psalms is a great place to give yourself a reset button. I often find myself turning back to David’s songs of praise when my heart feels heavy.

Scriptures like these remind me of God’s goodness and grace:

“The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭28:7‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Even in the middle of grief—especially in the middle of grief—I am sustained and held by the strength of God. When I feel like I can’t take one more step, He helps me take two.

God helps me face each moment and gives me strength to tackle every task. He is my helper. He goes before me, making the path before me clearly lit so I won’t stumble.

Like Faith, I’ve always loved music. Music is in our family’s blood, I guess, because Crystal always has a song in her heart, too. These days, I am realizing more and more the power of a song.

A song has the power to depress you or lift you up. A song has the power to bring you to tears over precious memories. A song has the power to create an atmosphere of praise.

And God inhabits the praises of His people.

If you’re lonely, sing an uplifting song of worship to God. If you’re tired, sing a song of praise. If you’re angry, sing a song of love.

God will meet you there.

When I listen to or sing a song that magnifies God, I can’t help but be reminded of His goodness to me, and everything else that is bothering me fades into the background.

God meets me there.

Balance

Regardless of what any of us may be going through, it is always a good reminder to find solace in God’s Word. This morning I am finding balance in David’s 57th Psalm.

Balance? Yes, balance.

My family’s world was rocked to its core on November 16th. Since then, I have had trouble finding my balance again.

First, that fateful night, when I heard the words from the Chief of police that I never would have imagined I would ever hear being said to myself.

Then there were her children to see after.

A funeral to plan.

Monument to order.

Court hearing for legal guardianship of Faith’s children.

And then I remembered…one month later…that I still hadn’t sent thank you cards. (If you haven’t received one it isn’t because you are not appreciated. Please forgive me.)

I truly usually am more on top of things. But in this last month, I have felt like I am teetering on a scary precipice between holding it together and losing myself in the abyss of grief.

It is in these very moments when morning devotionals are critical. Not only to my spiritual health, but to my mental and physical health as well.

Morning devotions are a time to recenter and find my balance once again. It’s a time to remind myself of God’s goodness and mercy in my life.

Despite everything. God is good. His love is everlasting. He will never leave me.

I am so thankful I serve such a kind, understanding, and faithful Father! Do you know Him?

Anger and Bitterness

Struggling to grasp the reality of a death by murder is not easy. The grief you experience is not the same as that from an expected death.

Murder can make you angry. Hurt. Bitter.

If you let it.

The gut-honest truth here is I have to fight daily…sometimes hourly…to not allow anger and bitterness wrap their nasty fingers around my heart.

Because. It. Just. Is. Not. Fair.

Faith should still be here with us. She should still be laughing with us. Singing with us. Enjoying Christmas with us.

Faith should still be smiling that beautiful smile. She should still be texting us sunrise pictures. Sending us links to her favorite songs. Planning delicious desserts for our next get together.

Faith should still be doing the work she loved so much as a respiratory therapist. She should still be calculating dosages. Sharing stories about her kids. Ministering to the sick. Loving on others.

But Faith is gone. None of us will ever get to experience again the joy with which she filled our world.

Unless we refuse to allow her memory to die to anger and bitterness.

Faith wouldn’t want us to become angry and bitter. She lived her live fully trusting God daily.

No matter what.

As I read this passage, I can almost hear Faith saying these words to me…

“In God I trust, and am not afraid. What can man do to me?”

So today I will pick up my sword and shield once again. I will fight against anger and bitterness. Because I know Faith’s soul is resting in peace with our Heavenly Father. She’s not worried. She is not afraid. And one sweet day, I know I’ll see our Savior’s face and her beautiful soul once again.

Until then…I will trust in God and won’t be afraid.

A Beautiful Promise

I am reading in the book of Revelations this month. This is often a book of the Bible people want to avoid because it can seem scary or overwhelming. But this morning’s Word is yet another reminder to me of God’s promises.

As I read this particular verse, I thought about Faith. I thought about how hard she worked to provide for her children. She always made sure they were in church.

Faith’s life was a testimony to the goodness of God, because she lived it day in and out.

Despite every trying thing she endured, Faith stayed under the covering of the blood of the Lamb. She was never one to shy from her beliefs. And she shared them with others.

Faith shared many times with me of incidents with patients who would ask for prayer. She always found great joy in ministering to people, which (I believe) is one reason why she was so good at her job as a respiratory therapist.

Faith understood God gave her this life. So she lived it accordingly.

I also know that even though her final day ended in a horrific way, Faith did not shrink from death. She knew her Maker, and she did not love her life so much as to shrink from her early death.

Because her death on this earth was the beginning of eternal life forever more with her King Jesus.

Like Faith, we too can triumph over death, hell, and the grave. Oh what a beautiful promise and hope we have in Jesus!

God is Still Good

When nights are endless and days run together, offering praise to God is hard. Especially when you don’t understand why some things happen the way they do.

Offering praise is hard when you’re angry. When you’re tired. When you’re lonely.

The truth is, sometimes offering praise is a sacrifice. It means giving from a place where you feel like you have nothing to give. It means giving up something you don’t want to give up because you’re angry. It means giving anyway.

Because the truth is, God is good. All the time. No matter what.

He’s good in the bad. He’s good in the hard. He’s good in the middle of all the mess.

God is still good.

So today, when I’m tired….when I’m angry….when I’m lonely….when I’m questioning Him why….when I feel like i can’t take one more step…I will offer a sacrifice of praise to my God. Because He is worthy, and He is good.

Update on Faith’s Children

As you know, Faith leaves behind four amazing children. Faith’s “babies” were her life. She adored them and worked so hard to protect and provide for them.

Today, according to Faith’s wishes, our sister, Crystal and her husband, Aaron obtained permanent custody of the minors. Faith’s oldest son, Dylan, will live with the family as well.

It was a bittersweet moment as our family gathered at the courthouse for the hearing. When we arrived, pink petals blanketed the grounds of the courthouse, lining the path from the street where we parked, all the way to the courthouse entrance. It was almost as if Faith winked at us and said, I’m here…I’m with you…you’ve got this.

In true form, we also wore pink face masks. Faith loved pink, so this was our way of bringing her into the courtroom with us.

Now that Faith’s children are officially and permanently in the custody of our sister, please remember to continue to hold them in your prayers. All of our lives have been irrevocably changed, and Crystal’s family needs your prayer and support more now than ever.

We appreciate all the love and support every one of you have so graciously shown our family through this most difficult time. Faith would be so proud to know how much you all love her and are standing in the gap for her babies and her family.

He is Faithful

Loss and grief are such monsters. They sweep in quietly and swipe every ounce of happiness in your heart, if you aren’t careful.

As I read this passage from the Psalms this morning, I’m reminded that even in this time of grief and mourning, God can bring joy and gladness.

This might sound strange to some.

How can my heavy, grieving heart rejoice? How can I find joy or happiness in the middle of all this heartache and pain?

One word answers this simple question.

Faith.

My faith in God reminds me of the hope I have beyond this life—the hope of eternal life.

Faith reminds me that even in my darkest nights, when sleep evades me and grief overwhelms me, God still remains in control.

Faith reminds me that if I listen, and if I trust, I can and I will hear joy and gladness.

Faith reminds me that no matter what I face, no matter how great the pain, I am an overcomer through Him.

Because HE is faithful.

I choose Love

Last night I went through some of my text messages with Faith. It’s hard to go through every day watching her name slip further down in my list of messages.

As I read and memories flooded over me, so did a range of emotions.

Anger. Sadness. Love.

There’s always love.

Faith was such an amazing person. She was full of life and love. She had so many reasons to be full of anger and bitterness, yet she was not. She chose love.

So today, I choose love over anger. I choose love over bitterness. I choose love.